***WARNING…..If you are easily offended by truth and reality, don’t read this section.
These are my personal opinions and I don’t expect everyone to agree with me, nor am I looking for confrontation. The people, places and topics are fictitious and any resemblance to real life people or situations is purely coincidental.
I simply have an outlet for such topics and reserve the right to put them here.***
Own it and Alter – It’s become a new phrase with many meanings. When one thinks about it it’s really to own what you are, what you stand for and your beliefs and refine your best self. Don’t become disillusioned and own someone else’s beliefs, ideas, stories or personalities. It’s really okay to just be yourself.
Why does it take most of us half our lifetimes to finally love and accept who we are as people?
We spend so much time prior to this realization, trying to conform to please everyone around us. We alter our thoughts, our likes, our opinions and the way we dress and carry ourselves at the hands of others. Our parents tell us how to dress, after all they buy our clothing and as children we don’t often get to pick our attire. Parents have a budget so we got the budget clothing. When I was younger my clothing often came from the thrift stores and I had no choice to adapt or conform to what my father and step-mother wanted. My father hated helping me brush out my long black hair, so one day he decided to take me to his barber and said cut it all off. I cried for days, he made me look like a boy. Over time my hatred grew so I conformed to the tom-boy look to survive. When I hit high school there were so many looks it didn’t matter. But once we get out into the work world well, here we go all over again. Our bosses are the ones telling us how to dress to live up to their dress code. So really, when do we find the time to freely be ourselves. When do we get to own it or have our Intrinsic Refine.
How much do people alter themselves to please others?
That’s a really big question with an avalanche of answers. Face it, we alter ourselves constantly in one form or another, right from the age we notice people are making comments to or about us. It starts in school and we all know how kids can be cruel. They start with their snide little comments in their little self-formed groups. Passing notes to each other in class, hollering taunts and name calling in the school yard playground. You’d think as we grow older this would change. It does for some, yet not for others things just don’t change and potentially become worse.
Belinda was a bit chubbier girl than the others in grade school. Kids, being the horrible little shits they can be, taunted her, called her terrible names, tripped her on the school bus and threw food and things at her in the lunch room, calling her a piggy and making pig squeals at her. When it rained, they threw mud at her and told her to bathe in it. Over the next few years as Belinda grew, she went through many changes. she developed breasts and her hair grew longer. In high school she took up sports and became quite the athlete. Three years later no-one recognized her, now taller and slim, she was the one girl all the guys wanted and they made no secret of it. Now, Belinda had to put up with cat-calls, whistles, hoots, over the top ridiculous comments and unwanted touches. The notes in class where mostly boys saying they would fuck her and the girls calling her a slut, a whore or a stripper. Where do the good changes happen?
Belinda became a recluse, finished high school in silence, graduating with great grades that would get her into a prestigious university where the next set of hurdles were presented. College boys were always trying to get her drunk, she had no interest in parties. She managed to keep them all at bay and became a strong-willed beautiful advertising executive and chose to become an advertiser for a rather popular clothing line specializing in plus sized women. Although she was able to become an even stronger woman, she still looks back on those very painful days and reminds herself she overcame them all and came out the winner, while most of the others crashed and burned, dropped out, got pregnant…blah. blah, blah..
Tanner was a quiet child, he had three sisters but when he turned eight his mothered noticed him playing with dolls and that he had adopted some-what of a feminine personality. Rather than have discussions with him she ignored it but gossiped about it to her neighbours on a daily basis. His older sisters started making fun of him and dressing him up like a girl with their clothing and make-up. They thought it was hilarious. Two years later Tanner tried to kill himself by cutting both his wrists. Then the family took notice and tried to get him help. But the doctors, rather than let Tanner express who he was, tried to force him to see that he was born a boy. He had boy parts so, therefore he was a boy. Tanner tried to tell them that he may look like a boy and have boy parts but his brain said he was a girl. For eight years of public school and five years of high school, Tanner had to live as a boy, someone he was not comfortable being. When he entered College, he met new friends and discovered that they too had the same issues he had. So, together they decided to “come out” they went to a thrift store on their college budgets and found outfits that made each of them look and feel like the people they were supposed to be. Though they were now comfortable in their own skin they now had to face ridicule of their class-mates who living our their own fears started the taunting. One afternoon Tanner and his friend Rylee decided to skip class and go hiking. Tanner, an avid photographer brought along his camera and he and Rylee took turns posing and taking pictures of each other until they ran into a group of jocks. They were both chased down, beaten and Tanner was tied up to a tree fully naked with the word freak written across his chest. Rylee was stripped down and chased and wound up running right out into the path of oncoming traffic and was hit and killed, instantly. Though an investigation was done and the group of thugs all caught, tried and convicted of their crime, Tanner could not handle things emotionally and he too tried to take his own life, but did not succeed. While in hospital Tanner met Micheline, a pre-op transgender. Micheline knew how Tanner felt and the two of them became the best of friends. Over time Tanner learned to accept who he truly was and finally became Tanielle, and what a beautiful transgender female he became. Strong and beautiful, Tanielle and Micheline, together became advocates for other transgender youth and opened up a center in support of the life style. They counsel and help thousands of youth still to this day and are well-known in their community. They will not conform to haters and are comfortable in their new founds skins.
There are so many other scenarios that could play out in this choice of discussion but my point is this. Always be comfortable with who you are and never be afraid to express yourself as you see fit. The world is continuously changing, there will always be people out there trying to change you but stay strong and believe in yourself. It may take the majority of us to get well into our forties before we realize that others have been telling us who to be and how to dress but in the end we are who we are. Don’t be afraid to make changes to make you happy and don’t be afraid to support your friends for the same reasons. you are never to young and never to old to take charge of your life and craft your Intrinsic Value. This is not the end of the line but merely the beginning.
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