Sometimes, no matter how much you care about someone, you have to walk away for your own good. I’ll bet you’ve heard that a million times before. Only those who truly care about you can hear you when you are quiet. Those who broke you don’t even notice nor do they really care. The self-absorbed we choose to call them. Those who will never admit to their wrong doing or should a slim chance come along that they do it is accompanied by a multitude of excuses for their behavior, their boo-hoos if you will. This can be from a potential mate, a best friend or even a family member. I’ve seen it from all angles and survived it all. An individuals ability to turn things around for themselves and heal from the inside out is the best option and only inner growth will strengthen your resolve to such things.
At this point I would normally provide a few scenarios but when it comes to matters of the heart and soul there are so many where would I even start.
Instead let’s focus on how to turn things around for one’s self. We’ll start with heartbreak as each and every one of us has dealt with it at some point and if you haven’t you’re lying to yourself. First know that it will suck, there’s no other way to say it or even try to sugarcoat it. It will suck harder than you ever thought it possibly could, for longer than you would ever of thought possible… and then IT WILL END, but not until you’ve given yourself time to grieve over the situation and learn how to deal with your feelings and move forward. But first you have to fight that ugly urge to get back together. Remember you broke up for a reason. Don’t ever let anyone treat you less than you are worth.
Once you accept this growth process you will become a stronger person and less likely to allow a reoccurrence. During this time you will cry over everything from mushy chick flicks to sad love songs and yes even hallmark commercials. You won’t want to get out of bed, bathe, eat or even consciously think about any thing but the person who broke you inside. It’s okay, ride the roller coaster of emotions, it’s normal. There is no time limit of how long this is supposed to take so don’t be too harsh on yourself. It’s okay to treat it like a death and mourn it. You’ll cry a lot and feel like your heart has broken into a million pieces. Believe it or not there is a science to what you will go through to emerge the victor of your own self-worth.
Don’t ever give up the hope of love. Sometimes it’s all too much, sometimes at the wrong time and place, and sometimes it’s just with the wrong person. But you must keep on possessing the will of loving. The world outside is enchanting and you need to explore it all. Just remind yourself of this very important lesson my Grandmother taught me: If you could fall that hard for a person who is completely wrong for you, imagine how hard you can fall for the person who is perfect for you. This is probably the single most eye-opening statement she ever could have said to me and I have no doubt that millions of grandmothers and mothers around the globe have done the same for millions of you.
Now, come closer, can you hear me? Good, this next point is so incredibly valid and of the utmost importance: don’t immediately try to find someone new to distract yourself. This would be a total disaster if you were to fall into it. Try your best to stay clear of not-so-wise choices and not-so-healthy behaviours. You know what I am talking about here right? Don’t go out and drink yourself into oblivion, don’t lose sight of who you are as a person. For the sake of all that is worldly, whatever you do, don’t mix your heartbreak with dozens of vodka shots and social media outbursts. It’s one of the worst self-destructive things you can do. I’ve witnessed this and it is ugly, trust me, don’t go there. Make sure that you don’t hide away from all things and places that remind you of them but get rid of any of their crap they left behind, you don’t need it and you didn’t need it before them. Especially clothing and jewelery, fuck it and take that shit to the pawn shop and go buy yourself something new. All you’re gonna do is look at it and cry if you keep it. The only way to move past something is to move right on through it. Not like a runaway freight train but keep yourself in tact and still enjoy those places and things without them. Those places and things were there long before you met them and will still be there long after they are gone. Don’t stop listening to your favorite band just because they liked them too, music soothes the soul.
Now, here is another important message, and I can not stress this enough: Don’t have the “let’s do it one more time for old times sake” sex. Oh how I cringe at the very thought of that. Not only will you feel really shitty about yourself but it will rekindle those feelings that you are trying to get past and leave you at square one without any progress of self-growth. In other words, you WILL regret it. Food for thought here: we all tend to remember the good times and suppress all the bad times, so when you’re looking back on things, make sure to include all the things you despised about them like how they never gave you affection unless you pushed up on them or asked for it or how every time you went through a hardship or an emotional roller coaster they managed to trivialize what you were going through and made it all about what they were dealing with instead of listening to you and being there for you or when they left you out in the cold, alone, to deal with things on your own. This will give you tons of perspective.
Never let this turn you into a bitter cynical version of your true self. We all wish that we could tell our younger selves that they will learn from their heart breaks but the reality factor is that we can’t. But, we can help each other get through the worst of times with what we have all learned in the process. After all what is the point of learning something if we can not pass that wealth of new knowledge on to others and watch them grow. Never let anyone become defeated by their own minds.
“Love yourself first and everything else falls into line. You really have to love yourself to get anything done in this world.” Lucille Ball
That is your new role in this type of situation. Loving yourself. Finding yourself again after being so close with and sharing so much with someone else is difficult. You’re not going to be the same person you were before all this, you’re going to be a better, stronger version of you. It’s the Breakdown of yourself and then the buildup and redefining yourself to be even better version of what you were. Some call it a rebirth resembling the phoenix. Now it is time to think about the type of person you want to be with by making yourself the priority. You’ve just experienced a few bad days or even months but remember, it won’t last forever; IT WILL END… And, here is a very important message from me to you, don’t be afraid to Unfriend, unfollow, block. Do whatever you’ve got to do so you aren’t constantly stalking them to see what they’re up to. You are wasting valuable self-healing time that you should be spending on yourself. If it is necessary for you then stop communicating and stop social media stalking, cause you know people do it daily to the point of losing sleep and having it affect their work and family lives, then do it. Every time you talk to them or look at their profile, it hurts you and you aren’t doing yourself any good because the whole time you are saying to yourself we can fix this, why can’t we fix this and you are putting yourself in limbo. Think of it this way: If you tear open your skin, you bleed and you are left with a great big gaping wound, you would naturally put a bandage on it in order for it to heal or it would become infected and cause you more and more pain. But, if you kept lifting up that bandage to look at your wound, it won’t heal. You need to put the bandage on and leave it be and let it heal in its own time, meaning this: DON’T TALK TO HIM/HER and also DON’T LOOK AT THEIR FACEBOOK/INSTAGRAM/TWITTER or any other social media accounts and give yourself time and let yourself heal. It will only hurt you and slow down your healing process if you revert to old habits. It is time to realize that maybe, just maybe this person didn’t love you the way you wanted them to. It’s time to give yourself a chance to find that one person who will deserve you and everything you are and have to offer. You’ll never be the same again but that’s okay because you will become something far better. Get rid of the stereotypes and expectations and live. Give up control on what holds you back from moving forward and accept that you can get over all this and find happiness.
I don’t think I need to elaborate on anything else because you can actually apply this type of healing to any situation in any type of relationship. All you need to do is make a few alterations.
And that is your
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