Forever had an Ending. A Quintessential Truth #14
FACT: Humans possess the unknown ability to become like a drug to other humans but only if you let them.
It’s true. You will see just what it is and how it can happen via the fictional stories I will add. Then you will see what I mean by the opening statement.
We can all count on at least half a dozen of our friends who have lived this…..
Disclaimer: The following is just simply things that can happen and not have necessarily happened. Any resemblance to real life situations is purely coincidental and no-one should read to far into it. Cause you know, someone inevitably always does and someone did and killed my writing buzz.
Look, If I have to “be careful” what I say when I write then fuck writing altogether and that isn’t about to happen any time soon. It’s just writing people. That is why this section is called Quintessential Truths.
It goes a little something like this…
Two people connect via the internet. On the internet many realities can be hidden away and not ever addressed. Each only shows what they want the other to see. But finally the day comes and one or both become very forceful about meeting up, they gather their pennies, board a plane, train, boat or pile all their belongings and sometimes kids and pets in tow into their car and hit the road for the face to face meeting/complete relocation to directly move in together and so on.
The problem, it’s a fantasy. A fantasy world created by well spoken and carefully chosen words crafted to entice, gain trust and for some a kind of bond is pre-formed. People don’t see the fantasy, they only see what they want to see and for some they deliver the fantasy on a silver platter of falsehood, sometimes on purpose and other times purely by accident.
By the time the first meeting takes place and with one party slightly reserved and the other wrangling nerves of fear, or are they, presents themselves occasionally rather drunk and sometimes sexually aggressive. One thing leads to another and after only several hours some sort of sexual act takes place. Somehow courting has taken a back seat over the years and instantaneous sex has become the norm. Over time, the more two people are around each other bound by a small separation for a time and another get together or two commences. It’s all fun and games for a while but then some realities set in and at this point a realization is made. There are just some pet peeves some of us cannot get past, no matter how hard we try. One of the two becomes completely obsessed while the other has just realized that after rushing into a critical life altering decision that they really didn’t mean to. They have an awakening that it wasn’t the right judgement call to make and that the connection they were looking for is just not there and for a short time they try to go through the motions to make it work, but it’s forced and completely unnatural and feels wrong. Jumping in with both feet felt right at the time but all of a sudden it all feels so very wrong. The more time spent together the more the realization that the relationship is not meant to be meanwhile the other party keeps getting deeper and deeper involved not seeing any signs that there is definitely something wrong. Publicly sharing pictures and feelings via their social media platforms while the other party does not. Here is your first red light hint folks. If it is all one-sided and there are tons of excuses then the fact is that it’s not real and not meant to be.
It is at this point one should realize the relationship is not the fantasy they wanted it to be. You see, over time people get into a comfort zone and any traits or behaviors that had been masked and hidden will come forth to the light. It is this time that we start to see the differences in what we thought was perfect and what is an actual reality. This is why the courting period is so incredibly important and I wish more people would take this seriously. These hidden factors are an absolute turn off.
Look if you start off by putting yourself into a position where you are continuously sending provocative selfies to the other person, in which you have never met, to try to get and keep their attention, first know, you’re not the only one. Surprised? Really….Wow, you shouldn’t be, after all remember how you met in the first place. Some of you were already with a significant other now weren’t you…. It’s an internet game people play. Red light hint number two. Over time you are just sexy pic number 9 and so on.
One can put themselves forth as a strong, emotionally stable and loving person and mimic behaviors of the other person to gain their affections. They will say things like we are exactly alike, you are my soul mate, or my soul’s twin light or you are my missing half, you complete me. Obviously I’m paraphrasing here but you know what I mean. Over time it turns out they can actually be quite emotionally unstable and it can come to light that they may have an addiction or two or they display acts of irrationality, jealousy, aggression and become even territorial or in some horrible cases abusive. When these things rear their ugly heads one can become the complete opposite of who and what you thought they were and when you bring up the issues the actions and behaviors show more and more. Red light hint number three. Be fully aware of reality and don’t get lost in the fantasy. A lot of people reveal truths and in the glory of omg someone’s giving me the attention I am craving, these revealed truths are ignored.
When this turnabout comes to light and one party ends the relationship and is clear that it has ended, you would think or at least hope that the other party involved would accept what has happened, go through the usual breakup motions and after a while move on….right? Not always the case kids.
Most of us have been there at one point or another so we all know how it works or at least how it is supposed to work. But here in lies some problems for some people. Online chemistry doesn’t always translate into real life chemistry. There are people who just won’t accept this and start living their own fantasy because the initial attention came at the right time in their lives. This type of behavior can get very scary and can also become dangerous to one or both parties involved. The inability to let go and face reality can damage you down to your very core. What you do and how to react to things can affect everyone around you and it’s not always positive. Some have resorted to hurting themselves or placing themselves in jeopardy. This is dangerous. Red light hint number four. If someone is constantly hurting themselves or threatening to kill themselves they need professional help. You can’t fix them.
For example, Reality factors:
We know that two addicts who have no intention of stopping their addictions are already headed for disaster. Right?
They will only aid and abed each other straight to their eventual deaths.
Be it alcohol or drugs, they may function but they are in no shape to truly have anything real because they are masking both life and themselves from life by using. This type of relationship has train wreck written all over it.
The same goes for any emotional and mental stability issues. Needy people need strong people to stand beside them and so on. These things can not be hidden from people for long.
Take the fictional story of Jack and Jennifer for instance.
They met over the internet and the usual chit-chat took place, provocative pictures sent with their sexually suggestive messages and poof! The two of them thought they were totally compatible and in love and destined to be together forever. Several months later Jennifer insisted they meet and maxed out every credit card she owned and made the journey to meet him in person. When she got there she came on so strong Jack didn’t know what to do and since he hadn’t been with a woman in so long he thought why not give it a go and just see what happens. Unfortunately the first issue arose almost instantly, she was drunk quite often and thought to herself I’m going to have him before anyone else can get to him and decided she would gift their short time together with a blow job or two seal the deal altogether. This only worked for a short time as the more time they actually spent together the more Jack started to see things that were hidden from him during their conversations. This turned Jack off. Jennifer would like everything he liked and agree with everything he said and said all the things she thought he wanted to hear to pump up his ego. She didn’t seem to possess any solid thoughts of her own. She had a horrible drinking issue and her habitual drug use didn’t help either. They’re sexual romps were a minimal as one cannot make love to someone when they aren’t in love, anything around it is just sex and not always enjoyable. It’s like going through the motions without feeling, there’s just no pleasure in it. He tried but she was flawed in far more ways than she had ever let on and Jack could not deal with all the heavy drama and it sent him reeling for the hills. Red light hint number five. Know how to notice when someone is faking it.
Through all the frustration and turmoil Jack actually thought of deleting all his social media accounts and going into hiding and possibly changing his name but why should he his friends told him, face your demons and work through it, make sure you are strict in your resolve. He tried to ride the wave and be tolerant to keep the peace but things only got worse and worse. Then all her problems became his problems and he couldn’t handle all the constant issues. So Jack told Jennifer the relationship was off, he just couldn’t handle things any more, she had put far to pressure on him. He told Jennifer he loved her but only as a friend, that she would always be special to him but he could not love her they way she wanted him to nor could he give her what she needed. He told her he felt it just wasn’t a good fit, they weren’t right for each other and it wasn’t working, he wasn’t in love with her. He couldn’t take care of her as he couldn’t even take care of himself. She just kept unloading more and more on him to the point he couldn’t cope any more. He had said to her they would never be a couple again. He was just acting out his pain, his inner man-cub rebelling over a failed relationships in the past before her. He told her she was fun to hang out with but beyond that she wasn’t what he wanted. She didn’t connect with his soul, she didn’t sooth him but rather frustrated him. In fact she drove him nuts, frazzled his mind so much he withdrew into seclusion away from everyone so she couldn’t nag at him and whine how left out she felt. He only wanted peace and happiness and a solid reason to wake every morning. He was working on himself and growing stronger every day. But she always found a way to hurt him with some kind of nonsense. This sent him away for a long time. No one knows where he went but he did eventually come back.
At first Jennifer went through the usual hurt, shock a bit of anger. Then was normal for about a week but all of a sudden it escalated and things became incredibly dangerous to just plain ridiculous. All she managed to do was make herself continuously come unravelled and act out. She started stalking him, his friends, kept calling him and calling him baby and asking why, why, why…. She even made the rest of the world believe they were still together and trying to work things out when in fact they weren’t and hadn’t been for a long time. She refused to let go of the the relationship which no longer existed. Had she only learned to get help and heal herself and move on her family would not be committing her to an institution tomorrow. Such a sad loss but the fact is she was already a massive mess before Jack ever met her. You can never guilt someone into loving you, it just won’t work. Red light hint number six. If you are doing things that are attention seeking, you are already lost, don’t push the buttons of others looking for someone to tell you what you already know.
She’d left a note before they took her away saying Jack was her drug and that she couldn’t live without him, that she owed him her life, that if it was not for him she’d already be dead. It took all of Jack’s friends months to tell him what happened wasn’t his fault. He can not be held responsible for her mental decline she took that upon herself with drugs and alcohol and refusing to get the help she needed when it was offered to her. Jack went on to become a very successful man and is married with 3 children and a beautiful wife. The past is in the past, it cannot be changed but Jack found it within himself to change the things he did and said from that day forward and it has made him a stronger man.
Now take the fictional story #2 of Marty and Kate
The two also met over the internet and over time became somewhat of an item. Only with these two it was more somewhat spiritual and started out as a great respect for each other. There were no provocative pictures being exchanged only regular ones. They would write each other love letters, an art which seems to have died off long ago. as time went on and they to reached a comfort zone and things began to change. Kate out of her adoration for Marty would send him money on a fairly regular basis even though she could not afford it. She wanted to give him the world. She supported everything he did and everything he was working on to the point she to put herself into great debt. Soon he started to make demands on her. Telling her how to be how to dress and what to write for him.
After time went one she soon came to find out she was not the only one. She had been used like so many women around her. She was not a weak woman by nature but this broke her, shattered her inside. Now penniless and emotionally broken and verbally abused at his hand she withered. She also thought of deleting all her social media and vanishing. Again, why should she. She had a lot to offer the world and over time she regained her composure and became a brilliant author. Today she is married with one child and is the happiest woman on the planet and has written an astounding 12 very successful books.
Now take fictional story #3 the story of Leslie and Fred
They also met via the internet and after many months of correspondence Leslie quit her job packed up her 2 kids, the cat, the dog and all their belongings and moved them all to Fred’s place in Arizona, many hundreds of miles from where they were surrounded by family and friends and everything familiar to them. After only three short months Fred became emotionally and physically abusive and Leslie found herself stuck in a place that was completely foreign to her with no job, no money and no possible way to get home. With the help of a friend from back home she launched a go fund me campaign and was luckily able to raise the money to get the hell out of there and back home where she belonged. In turn she not only saved her own life but the lives of her children and pets.
The moral to these little stories is if a relationship has come to an end, it’s not the end of you. You must accept it, find a way to heal and move on. Living in limbo will only cause more pain and problems in the long run.
For the one ending the relationship be firm and honest about any expectations of friendship after the fact as it will have its limitations. It may only be a professional relationship and nothing more.
For the one on the receiving end of the bad news. Be rational, be calm, don’t become vindictive and hurtful. If you have to walk completely away and repair yourself then that’s what you do.
There is someone out there for you. Believe that. don’t try to hang on to someone who doesn’t want you. It’ll only hurt more in the long run if you don’t let go.
I’ve been there, I know what it’s like and it’s never ever healthy to keep trying to hang on to something that isn’t there. When you learn to let go and move on you will feel so much better.
Realize he/she doesn’t want you and find someone who does and be happy.