As he walked away from her with his own conjecture he felt the greatest pain in his heart that things would never be the same again.
Her eyes; that look. Her memory will always remain. The broken and split part of him that would never properly mend or function correctly again. The stinging pain in his chest. The never-ending longing. If only he had opened his mouth and spoke, if only he had done the right thing. If only he had remained true and not tempted fate and run off with that Trollope, that lying whore. Sure the lure of promises of sexual interludes to which only most men dream of sounded like a pleasure park ready to happen at the time but had he known what it would lead to, the destruction and the carnage; the pain, bloodshed and the death, what would be lost; he would never have let the hook land in his mouth in the first place. But alas like any man lead by his own member he fell for it hook, line and sinker. The bait cast by a filthy whore and gobbled up by an attention starved ungrateful prick of a spouse.
He didn’t want to leave his wife in that place but there was no other choice. He couldn’t stop what had to be. He had brought this on by his own egotistical need for attention. He loved her still but tides changed with one stupid decision he could never ever take back.
They’ve rules in this institution; no visitations, no one from the outside is to be in contact with her or any other member of these walls. It would only harm any chance of any of them regaining ordinary rational thoughts again.
Anne sat holding her head between two clenched fists, rocking back and forth. She just wanted the pain to stop. Her eyes were shut tight. No light in, no light out. The visions would eventually stop or the meds would kick in and take her to a deep slumber. Either way something had to give.
The light burned straight through to the back of her skull when it entered through her visual windows. If she kept the shutters closed perhaps the throbbing daggers of pain would decide to leave and take up arms of destruction elsewhere. I’m sure there is another rounded bone cavity containing the grey matter it loves to feed on just longing for such torture she thought.
She silently wept on the inside of her own mind, Oh, why me, what have I ever done deserve such a malicious assault.
All she’s ever known is love, yet any time she’s offered it the only thing that comes back are just empty words. Now she’s seeking life back in the darkness, for it holds no bounds, Pain can come out there and be embraced.
Had she only known when she unleashed her rage that so many would die. So much blood spilled all through the lodge. When the authorities arrived they found her huddled inside a closet in the upstairs suite, her spouse on the outside of the door trying to convince her everything would be fine again.
Had she not had the instinct to follow him and catch them in the throes of a disgusting display none of this would have ever happened and she would not find herself locked in this place. The sickly white walls, the constant barrage of old shrivelled nurses popping in and out of her room on a regular basis asking if she was all right. If she heard it one more time she might scream.
I think the common room is empty now, she heard a voice say. As she looked up, the searing pain cut through her but this time there was a warming glow that came with it. As the warmth surrounded her the pain began to subside and she finally met the face behind the voice. C’mon it’s okay, really, you can trust me. My name is Meadow and I’m going to help you through this. I’ve been in this place a long time and have seen many things but I know a thing or two these silly doctors do not.
Anne bit down on her bottom lip praying she didn’t look as shaky as she felt. She managed to remove her fists from her temples, stand and move toward this splendid being because she found her so very warm and intriguing. She accepted the invitation to the empty Common Room. It was a nice change in scenery from the sickly white walls of her small dwelling.
The Common Room was painted bright yellow and there were works of art that decorated the walls.
Tell me what troubles you Anne the splendid one said. Anne stopped dead in her tracks, Oh, wait a minute! You’re the new doctor aren’t you? This is where you tell me to lay back on the couch, relax and let my mind go right?!
No, not at all was the reply that came. I simply want you to know I’m here for you. Anne studied Meadow’s face for a moment for a sign. But nothing, only warmth. She slowly walked across the room and sat in the big chair, so big that it almost swallowed her, she liked this feeling. To disappear right now would be a gift in itself. Anywhere but here she thought to herself.
Meadow started to speak, her voice was raspy but calming at the same time and Anne found this oddly consolatory and felt a sort of solace she had not felt in some time. They brought me to this place some seven years ago you know, I remember it like it was yesterday. Believe me I put up an admirable fight, but in the end they stuck a needle in my arm and everything went black. When I woke they wanted to pick and prod my grey matter to catch sight of what made me tick. When I say to you that I synchronize with your torment, I do fully understand the unspoken expressions I’ve seen on your face time and time again since your arrival 9 months ago.
Anne sat up straight, shocked at what she just heard. This whole time she had repressed what brought her here and in an instantaneous acknowledgement of her own memory everything she had blocked came flooding back with blood-curdling velocity to her self-protected grey matter. The flood of hatred and anger filled her with the irrefutable facts of what she had done.
Meadow saw rage building up inside her and reached out her hand. Anne immediately recoiled screaming NO, DON’T COME ANY CLOSER!. Meadow stopped in her course retracting her hand. She just simply said in a low tone, please allow me, I can teach you how to harness what you feel into something marvellous, but I will need all your trust. Can you do this for me?
Anne tried to keep her hands from shaking, she glared at Meadow. If her eyes could have bore a hole straight through a human body they surely would have. Just as she thought about springing forth tearing out Meadow’s throat a shear feeling of indisputable kinship came over her and halted her every movement. She froze, a cold feeling came over her as if her boiling blood was being refrigerated as it pumped from her heart and migrated through her veins. She gradually became tranquil and resolved. Taking in a long deep-seated inhalation and allowed herself to undergo a metamorphosis in order to allow Meadow the ability to facilitate her with what it was she wanted to enlighten her with.
Now, tell me, how was it that you came to be here in this lovely dwelling of ours.
In the shortest version Meadow, I followed a deep seeded consciousness which steered me into an enlightenment of which I already knew. This insight caused me to mentally disintegrate and indignation and mania took over my mentality. My inner corporeal living thing emerged forth and set forth a carnage that can never be taken back or forgiven.
I believe I follow but would you please elaborate for me exactly what it was?
The terse version; I followed my spouse to a place he was having a secret rendezvous at on a regular basis, caught them in an extremely compromising position and went bats in the belfry. I had armed myself nicely with an arsenal of bladed weaponry fit for any warrior. I spared him although I don’t know why but not before slicing his manhood in twain. Human hemoglobin of that filthy whore painted the entire room I found them in. But I didn’t halt there, oh no, I kept the rage ball rolling, out of the room I burst and advanced my grisly self, down the hallway where I lacerated and obliterated any living breathing thing I came across. By the time I was done I’d left 16 in the out of one’s misery pool and was panting like a rabid wolfen; licking the blood from my arms, hands and fingers in such a way as you would have through me covered in honey sauce from an intense serving of ribs.
When they finally found me I had managed to make my way to an upstairs room and hide in a closet. HE, had managed to pack himself off and tracked me to the very room I was veiling myself in begging me to come out, saying everything would be okay. I knew fine well it wouldn’t but I was drifting in and out of consciousness. When I woke I was here in this place, they managed to keep me sedated until 6 weeks ago.
We have knocked around similar grounds you and I. How do you think it is I came to be in this lovely establishment so many a moon ago.
Indoctrinate me with this ability to harness what I am Meadow. How do I become one with who and what I am.
You already own all you need Anne but I will help you to edify what it is you harbour inside you.
I want out of this place Meadow, I cannot tolerate being held here any longer. I must get out. I fear I am like a caged animal and the longer I stay here the more I feel what’s inside me ring to escape.
We are going to take this journey together you and I. We will get to know one another and when the time is right our way out will be revealed.
Stay tuned for Part II
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