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Another Sleepless Night


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Another day done, it’s late, yawning like mad.  Although frustrated and depressed I do my usual bedtime routine and finally put my head on my pillow for a hopeful dreamless nights rest.

Guess Again…….

I toss and turn, blankets on , blankets off, pillow under one knee then both, side – back and  side again, now it’s close to three hours of this shit even though I’m tired as hell my brain decides, yet once again, it does not want to shut down.  No matter how hard I try to relax and put everything out of my mind, it just seems to keep on ticking like a bloody Timex watch.  I swear if the energizer bunny starts parading around my room with his big drum I will not be held responsible for beating him to pieces with my baseball bat.  I sit up look at my bedroom door waiting for him to burst in, as a good pummeling on him will release a lot of anxiety and probably bring on the restful sleep I need after said deed is done.

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1..2..3.. nothing,damn.  No little cute fluffy Serta sheep either…..What the hell; I hear they talk, at least I could share a few lame jokes and some conversation until I got bored enough to pass out, right?

Shafted Again…..

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Thanks brain, you know your hyper drive sensibility would come in handy for things like coming up with excuses to get out of Jury duty, or ways to convince me that laundry, if left long enough, will move itself to someone else’s house piece by piece over time or even convince me that the dog will walk himself if I give him his own house-key and the garbage will take itself to the bin for pick-up.  I heard it’s easy like that instead of keeping me up for days on end.  Any hoots brain, I must be getting to you because you are starting to throb inside my skullcap.

Nice, now I have Frustration, Depression, insomnia and a headache.  So I get back up again grab my wears for tomorrow to save a trip up two flights of stairs, make my side of the bed and head back down to the living-room to camp out on the couch for the remainder.

What to watch, well, my PVR is 68% full of recorded shows so I’ve got choices — Ghost Adventures Marathon it is.  Brain racing like Hammy Hamster on steroids running his wheel off its pivot points, skull has now formed its own pulse, eyes blurry. What the hell, let’s write about our little insomniac adventure, in the dark, no less, the only light is what is coming from the 60″ TV screen.  This should be fun.  Grab a Dr. Pepper from the fridge, cause I’m a pepper to, light a smoke, off we go.

Great, now that I’ve been sitting here, bent forward writing this in my composition book,while straddling the ottoman, my positioning has now given me a sore tail-bone and pins and needles in both my legs.  Is this shit really happening.  Oh, and the cable box has now decided to shut down for a reboot right in the middle of a good episode of GA.  Fuck sakes, get up, walk around now my ass-cheeks hurt.  It’s now five in the morning.  Normally I would read but I can’t when I have a headache, won’t let me concentrate.  I’m not even sure how I’m writing all this right now.  Guzzle some Dr. Pepper and let out a womanly man-belch, stretch arms up over head and hear, Snap-Crakcle and Pop, who invited those little creatures in here at this hour?  It’s far to early for breakfast cereal.  The dog has taken up the corner of the sectional and is on his back with all fours in the air showing of his tiny man-basket, sound asleep.  How polite of him to go commando this evening.

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At some point the Sandman is going to show up, the little prick, he can’t avoid me forever.  He’s obviously changed his route, again. I so loath it when he does that without advance notice.   Hopefully he will get here soon or I may be forced to entertain myself and wear a couch cushion as a cowboy hat and pretend the ottoman is a bucking bronco and ride it round the living-room, although my neighbours may think someone is being murdered over here due to the noise it would generate.

You know at this point I’m way over tired and nothing makes sense.

Rosie the prostitute just rode up on her tricycle and asked if I wanted a date.  I’m thinking, you know she’ll look pretty good all bent out of shape with that tricycle as a bow around her mangled torso.  Oh, my bad, it was just the cat knocking something over in the kitchen and watching roll across the floor towards me and annoying the shit out of me.

Clearly, you can now see that a form of fatigued delirium is nesting into my grey matter which means, aw yes, here he is, only six hours late, the Sandman is presently trying to climb in through  the living-room window.  I should have left some of my snap – crackle and pop underneath the sill for him to step on for shits and giggles but at this point I’m done, no more gas in the tank.

Time to let the dream-scape come and take me away.

He ripped me off, little fuck.  The Sandman left icing sugar instead of sleep dust and now my eyes are caked, itchy and as itchy as the Tasmanian Devil whirling wildly through a massive cluster of multiple biting mosquitos .  Well that is just freaking great!

Seven am Wednesday morning, it is Wednesday, right?

I try the Nature Sounds channel, peaceful sounds to lull me off to slumber…. no dice.  Hubby is up for work, the dog just woke up and gang-tackled me to be let out for his morning office meeting and the kid is up, music pounding, as she gets ready for school.  Can teenagers not get ready for school without a plethora of bass pounding into their ear-holes loud enough for the neighbours in the next town to hear.  Hmm, plethora, there is a word and  a half, at some point I will google it to see what it actually means, right now it just sounds good.  PPPLLLEETH-oooorrraaaa…

Where was I?

Sorry, are you still here with me?

Yeah, that happens in my current state.  It’s kind of like giving a kids a toy to play with and then waving a chocolate cupcake in front of their eyes.  OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO MINE!!!

Looks around the room, sighs, sees cellphone sitting on the arm of the couch.

Fuck it, grabs phone to check out what’s doing……

*ding goes  chat notification*

Good Morning, very little sleep over here!!!

It’s morning but not good . haven’t slept at all since day before yesterday

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And the conversation with my saving grace, my sister from another mother.  We chitty chat chatted til 9:32 am.  She worked her magic and pulled me out of my funk and made me “smile” lots, and not just smile, ear to ear grins and some laughter and a few snorts.  I won’t name her, but she knows who she is.  Right there, when I needed someone the most to yank my ass out of the darkness,  she knew and she was there.  There never has been quite a soul like her ever in my life.  I adore her completely.  She is the Real Deal.

Although it  is 1:26 in the afternoon and I still have not had any sleep what-so-ever, I feel completely energetic just from that one conversation and started my day off with a positive outlook.  I still do not feel tired and as I type this I say Thank You from the bottom of my heart for the one Guardian Angel, who stepped from shadows into my withering light and gave me hope.  This I shall never ever forget.

Always There

Lately, you are there when I am Depressed

or when I am Frustrated

you are there when I am ready to give it all up

to make my clock stop

or when I am Tormented

you are there when I need Balance

you are always so fair

always there

when I need you

you just know

you just show up

out of the blue

that is why

I forever thank  you!!

My friend, My sister at arms.

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Original written work of Gillian A. Gibson CopyRight Protected by the Crimson Vaults 2015

Original written work of Gillian A. Gibson CopyRight Protected by the Crimson Vaults 2015

5 responses

  1. That was a trippy stroll through your head, Jilly. Thanks for sharing 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    May 27, 2015 at 6:08 PM

    • Crimson Quintessence

      It’s a wierd little smurf village in there sometimes you know. It’s finding your way out that is the trick. 🙂

      Like

      May 27, 2015 at 6:14 PM

      • Trick indeed. I have had days and nights like this too. Sometimes a brisk walk through the wooded trails help and getting lost in the clouds. Anyways, you always have my thoughts.

        Liked by 1 person

        May 27, 2015 at 9:07 PM

  2. This is so cool, I felt like I was right there with you!

    Liked by 1 person

    May 27, 2015 at 8:09 PM

  3. Crimson Quintessence

    With Love in my heart I Thank you; everyone!!!!
    for both enjoying and understanding my plight at the same time.
    It is 5:35 Pm Wednesday and I still have not slept but I assure you Tonight I will double up on my Zopiclone and my Cymbalta to make sure I get at least 12-14 hours of sleep to recoup and replenish.
    Although it is a great medication for insomniacs and the Cymbalta for Depression and Anxiety Disorder as well as the Fibromyalgia pain occasionally life stresses are far to high and my brain’s serotonin levels drop dramatically and the Cymbalta I take is not enough to replenish them in a timely fashion so this bloody nightmare catches up to me on the racetrack and kicks my lilly-white ass.

    My stressors, as quite a few of you know –
    I had my car broken into and vandelized in March,
    had Breast Reduction Surgery April 8th and
    then lost my job April 24th without any warning, I was laid off due to shortage of work. Had to come up with 2 grand for the annual park fees by last weekend or we would lose our summer vacation spot, which I adore and
    my son is getting Married on June 20th.
    Then my oldest daughter needed glasses 400.00 not covered on Benefits, Father refused to help.
    Youngest Daughter had Emergency Dental Surgery 2 weeks ago – More money for Laughing Gas – not covered by Benefits 125.00 + Prescriptions for Two Painkillers and Anti-biotics.
    She got hit with Double infection so more Prescriptions 60.00 x 2 –
    me no job and Benefits gone.
    Credit Cards are now maxed out.
    Now 17,600.00 in debt and waiting on EI.
    Applied for close to 20 jobs since becoming unemployed and not a single offer.
    Contemplated swallowing 60 sleeping pills to end it all. Remembered I have children, I am responsible for them and I will not take the easy route out.
    Thankfully I had someone there to get me through that bad head-space by showing me rationality and compassion and just simply being there for me and making me laugh.

    Why am I laying it all out there?
    Not for pitty
    but to let you know, we are all facing hardships, myself included, They don’t call me The Real Jilly G for nothing. What you see is what you get. This is me, scars, warts, troubles et al, I AM ME THE REAL JILLY G

    Thank you ever so kindly for reading, understanding and being Real with Me.
    Forever & Always
    Love shared beyond all borders.
    xoxo

    Liked by 1 person

    May 27, 2015 at 9:48 PM

Thank you for Visiting with love JillyG

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