Staring at the ceiling fan again
Trying to turn over and close my eyes
He’s there, watching me, laughing, poking my forehead
what’s the matter, can’t sleep?
why don’t you get up, grab a cold Dr Pepper, your smokes and by all means don’t forget your pen and notebook
who cares if you don’t feel like it, you had a four-hour nap
To many thoughts running through my head
The kaleidoscope, making me dizzy, upsetting my stomach.
The light in the ceiling fan turns itself on again. How frigging annoying is that, happens often.
This time I remember to pull the chain switch instead of using the remote.
Sciatica, back pain, insomnia again…
Stop laughing, you sound like Tim Curry’s character in Legend, positively evil.
Head spinning, major stomach cramps, oh great, now what?
Run for the loo, barely made it again, sit forever, keep waiting, the pain is awful, why me?
More blood, when will it end, been six months, they don’t know why, maybe degeneration of my spine.
Try changing diet, again.
Painkillers are close, I don’t want them, more side effects, where’s the relief?
light another smoke
Now the damn cat thinks it’s time to get up.
Why did I just hear a bicycle bell ring?
Now the tap drips
Look around, no-one there.
My Gran calls my name
Jilly, what’s wrong pet?
I don’t know Gran, I miss you.
Remember the birds?
We watched them out the window of our flat
We did, I smile
you loved granddad’s binoculars
Yes, I did
we listened to Anne Murray
Snowbird, I remember
Time to rest pet
I will try
let your thoughts go, see my light
he’s gone now
I don’t hear him any more
it’s okay now
I’m feeling flushed, eyes heavy, I venture back to my bed, stack my pillows around me, close my eyes, good night Gran.
good night pet, rest well
I wish, oh how I wish, she was still alive, I miss her.
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